Tender Mercies Read online

  “There has to be a way.” Cooper rubbed a hand across his chin, shadowed with stubble.

  “If there is, I have yet to find it.” The thought of closing the doors to Thursday’s Child sickened Lexi, and she didn’t want to spoil such a perfect day with worry and doubts. So she changed the subject before sadness overwhelmed her and stole the joy away. “The Channel Ten News Team sure came through for us again. They got some great footage of you and some of the other players with the kids. I think they’re going to air a segment each night this week.”

  “Good idea.” Cooper reached for a miniature chocolate bar from the candy dish on her desk. He unwrapped it and tossed it into his mouth. His voice was jumbled around the sweet confection, and Lexi remembered how much he liked dark chocolate...and cherry-flavored gum. “That will keep public awareness heightened.”

  “I know. They’re going to keep our website posted, too. Maybe some more donations will come in.”

  “I’m sure they will.”

  Cooper turned his attention to her office window. Outside the sky darkened with the first hints of nightfall. Swirls of pink and gold danced together along the horizon like ribbons in a breeze. “Where’s Andy?”

  “He’s spending the night at Brody’s house. Those two have become fast friends. I’m glad. Andy’s had a hard time making friends since he came here.”

  “Brody seems like a nice kid. He and Andy sure had a good time helping the players run the clinic.”

  “They did a great job, too. Andy’s good with the little kids.”

  “I know.” Cooper reached for a second piece of chocolate. “Who would have guessed?”

  “I’ll bet they won’t get a wink of sleep all night, judging by how hyped they were when they left here.”

  Cooper laughed and stuffed the candy into his mouth, then crumpled the wrapper and banked a shot off her desk into the trash can. “Maybe so, but a little lost sleep won’t hurt them. It’s almost summer vacation, right?”

  “Right...just a few more days of school. Thank goodness. I’m as tired of homework as Andy is.”

  “Summertime gets even busier here, doesn’t it?”

  “You’d better believe it. We have extended hours and about four times the number of programs we offer while school’s in session.”

  His gaze met hers, held. Lexi saw a question there, and held her breath, waited. “Then let me take you to dinner before the work onslaught begins. We might not have another chance for a while, and I don’t know about you, but after the long day we’ve had, I’m starving.”

  She hesitated, shook her head slightly as she drew in air once again. “I...Thank you for offering, Cooper, but I’d better not.”

  He pushed back from the desk and stood up. His eyes were tender, not accusing as he came toward her. His voice was full of the gentleness she remembered...and missed so much. “Why not? What are you holding back, Lex? What are you hiding?”

  “Hiding? I’m not—” She stopped mid-phrase. To finish the sentence would result in a lie, and she refused to do that. He deserved better and she would give it to him...when the time was right. If it was ever right. She turned from him to pace the tile floor. “I don’t want to talk about it, Cooper. Not now.”

  “No?’ He reached out to touch her arm and slowly she turned back to him. “Then, when?”

  “I don’t know. Just not...now.” She shrugged off his touch and crossed her arms tight. “It’s been a long day. We’re both tired. We should both just go home, Cooper. The day’s been great and I don’t want to...ruin it.”

  “Ruin it?” His gray eyes darkened with hurt. “How would going to dinner with me ruin it?”

  “You know how, Cooper.” It was so plain to her, how could he not see it?

  “No, I don’t.” He sighed and ran a hand through shaggy waves of hair. “It’s killing me inside, Lex. I can’t stand to watch you hurt, to feel you struggling so hard to keep your distance from me, and not know why. I mean...I know I hurt you, leaving the way I did, but we’ve been here now, together, and I feel...well, I know you feel it, too. So there’s more. There has to be more.”

  Her eyes filled with tears. “Cooper, please...” Instinctively, one hand splayed over her belly and she remembered the slight bulge that had once formed there—proof of the precious life that grew inside her.

  Cooper’s gaze slid over the hand she’d pressed to her midsection and his eyes narrowed with concern. “Are you OK?”

  She lowered her gaze, quickly removed the hand. “I...no, I’m not OK, Cooper.”

  He reached for her once more, and she could smell sweet chocolate on his breath, the musky scent of a hard day’s work that clung to his T-shirt. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

  She shook her head and tears spilled over as he drew her close. She pressed her cheek against his chest and shuddered. Slowly the words came...words she’d held prisoner for so long, words she thought she’d never share with him. “Cooper, I-I was pregnant.”

  He stiffened, and she felt his heartbeat quicken beneath the thin fabric of his T-shirt. She pulled back and saw his eyes were wide with shock. “Was pregnant? What are you talking about?”

  “Six...years ago. I got pregnant.”

  Rage darkened his eyes. He grasped her arms and spat, “Who’s the guy, Lexi? I’ll hurt him.”

  Her breath caught. She took a single step back. “You, Cooper.” Her voice was eerily quiet. “The guy was you.”

  He could not have looked anymore shocked if lightning itself had struck him dead-on. He sputtered, “What? How?”

  She leveled him a look. “That night...in the storm...have you forgotten?”

  “The storm?” He turned, stumbled a few steps, steadied himself with one hand on the wall. “No, of course not. But we couldn’t—we only—”

  “It only takes once.”

  “Oh, Lex.” He dropped his head into his hands and moaned. “What happened? Where is...?”

  “He? Luke. His name was Luke, Cooper. And he was still-born. I lost him four and a half months into the pregnancy.”

  Silence rushed in to fill the room, and Lexi thought she might suffocate. She watched a flash of emotions play across Cooper’s face as he stopped breathing for a moment, his body stiff, hands clenched into tight fists.

  “I don’t understand. Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I wanted to. I tried, but you...”

  His gaze held hers, black with a million questions. His voice came quick, rough now, accusing with the temper that threatened to bite her. She knew his temper well, saw it displayed on the practice field and during games that weren’t going well. But not with her...never with her. Until now. “Finish the sentence, Lexi. I what?”

  “You...you didn’t love me, Cooper. Not the way I...needed. All you talked about was the draft, all the money you were going to make, the fame. You never asked me—”

  “Asked you what?”

  “To go to Jacksonville with you. So I knew...I wasn’t what you wanted.”

  “I loved you, Lexi. I wanted you to come with me. But I thought you wanted to stay here. You told me that often enough.”

  Had she? Everything seemed fuzzy now, blurred with the passage of time.

  “You didn’t want me with you.” She shook her head, refusing to believe him. Words came easily, but the actions...not so much. “Especially not with a baby.”

  “How do you know?” His voice rose, and the room seemed to shrink and darken. Suddenly Lexi’s chest tightened and the breath went out of her. “How dare you make that decision for me. You had no right.”

  She fought for air and finally drew in a quivering breath. “I-I know that now, Cooper. But I didn’t think—”

  He looked stunned. “No, you didn’t think.” He paced the floor as the revelation began to sink in. When he spoke again, she wasn’t sure if he was talking to her or himself. “I had a son, and I didn’t even know.”

  She reached for him. “Please, Cooper—”

  But it was his
turn to pull away. “I thought you knew me, Lex. All the days we spent together, all the times we shared. When I told you I loved you, did you think I was just feeding you a line?”

  “No...yes...oh, I don’t know.”

  “You don’t know?” He turned, slammed a fist against the wall. When he spun back, his eyes were filled with tears. The sight startled her. She hadn’t seen him cry since...well, since the night he’d told her the horrible way his mom had died. “And all the times you told me...that you loved me—was that just a line, Lexi?”

  “No! I...do love you, Cooper.”

  I love him. The realization took her breath away and the room began to swim. She grabbed the edge of the desk and held on.

  “Don’t say it. Not now. You couldn’t love me and keep something like this from me. It’s...impossible.”

  “I did what I thought was best for us, Cooper—for you.”

  “Don’t lay that guilt trip on me, Lexi. I don’t deserve it.”

  “OK, then...if I’d told you...about Luke, would you have stayed? Would you have given up your dream for a baby? For me?”

  “I...I—” He paced the floor, his long stride eating up the tile. “I guess we’ll never know, will we?” Suddenly he swung away from her and started toward the door.

  She wanted to follow him, but the room went dark and hot around her. Her breath came in short, raspy gasps as beads of perspiration ran down her back. “Where are you going?”

  He ran a hand through his hair then clenched both fists. She thought he might pummel the wall again. He paused briefly at the doorway, his back to her. “I need some air. I need time to think, to sort this all out.”

  She stumbled toward him, caught the edge of the desk again when she felt the floor collapse beneath her feet. “I’m sorry, Cooper.”

  “It’s too late for sorry, Lex.” Bitterness filled his voice and echoed through Lexi’s head as if from far, far away.

  “But you said—”

  “Forget what I said.” He started walking again, and she heard his footsteps fade down the hall along with his voice. “I was wrong—dead wrong.”

  ****

  His world was shattered. Everything he’d believed in, everything he’d trusted, was as good as gone.

  Lexi had a baby...my baby.

  The thought roared through his head like a wave rushing in and out. He crossed the vacant parking lot beneath a moonlit sky and fell to his knees beside the Mustang as a bout of sickness overwhelmed him.

  Lexi had a baby.

  When the nausea finally passed, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and dug in his jeans pocket for the ignition key. Despite the cool night air, he felt hot and feverish. He jammed the key into the car’s lock, swung open the door and settled into the driver’s seat to crank the air to full blast.

  Lexi had a baby...my baby...Luke.

  The air cooled him, chased away optic stars that danced before his eyes. He gunned the engine and the Mustang’s tires squealed in protest as he raced from the lot. The acrid odor of burning rubber filled the air, mirroring the bitterness that burned a hole through his gut.

  He drove through deepening darkness, not sure where he was headed. His mind was filled, yet vacant at the same time. How was that possible?

  The cell phone he’d left in the console vibrated, rattling the plastic like gunshots. He grabbed it, flipped it open.

  “Lexi—”

  Stan’s voice shouted over the line. “Cooper, what’s going on there?”

  The breath went out of him like a helium balloon deflating. Disappointment wrestled with bitterness. “I can’t talk right now.”

  “Too busy running plays with some snot-nosed kids? I just saw the highlights on ESPN. What’s going on there? You’re making the team look bad, Cooper. You’re supposed to be on a strict training regimen and healing that knee.”

  ESPN? He cringed. News really does travel fast. Good for Lexi and Thursday’s Child...not so good for me.

  “They’re not snot-nosed kids and I have been training.” His voice was clipped. The last thing he needed right now was to deal with Stan’s annoying questions. “The knee is healing Stan.”

  “Looked that way from what I saw on the news. So the owner wants to know—why aren’t you here, practicing with the team?”

  “Are you insinuating...does he think—”

  “We need you back here quick, Cooper. Coach wants to talk to you. Come right away—now.”

  “I can’t—” He’d drive around until he cooled off, then figure out what to do next, examine his options. Already he regretted the harsh words he’d slung at Lexi—again. He had to make things right.

  But how can I make them right? She had a baby...my baby...and she didn’t even tell me.

  “This isn’t a multiple choice question, Cooper. It’s serious. You need to come now.”

  “Nothing can be that serious, Stan.”

  “Oh, believe me, this is.”

  Cooper slammed on the brakes, swerved to change direction. They wanted him now, they’d get him now. “OK, I’m on my way. But let’s make it quick, Stan. I’ve got things to take care of here.”

  “What could be more important than football?”

  What could be? The question plagued him. He remembered Lexi asking...“When will you go back?”

  He sped through the dark of night toward the airport, even though a voice inside him screamed to slow the car, park long enough to think things through. He’d left once before in a rush. It was foolish to make the same mistake twice.

  Cooper ignored the voice and gunned the engine. No sense going to his apartment to pack a bag when he’d find everything he needed at the house in Jacksonville.

  Well, almost everything.

  13

  “Have you heard from him yet?” Renee asked as she poured another cup of Orange Pekoe tea. The crisp scent filled the room.

  “No.” Lexi tossed a spoonful of sweetener into her cup and stirred absentmindedly. Outside the kitchen window, huge droplets of rain splattered the deck and rushed down the gutters Cooper had cleaned just a few weeks ago, before they’d given the porch a facelift together. Wind made the trees dance in an odd rhythm and the murkiness of the cloud-filled sky mirrored the darkness in her heart. “Not a thing.”

  “Maybe he just needs some time to...sort things out.” Renee offered her an oatmeal-raisin cookie she’d warmed in the microwave.

  Despite the rich cinnamon scent, Lexi simply shook her head. Even the thought of food made her stomach revolt.

  “You know, Lex, you’ve had years to sort through what happened—losing Cooper and then Luke, too. And you did sort of dump everything in Cooper’s lap last night.”

  “I know...you’re right.” She set down the teaspoon and stared at the steaming liquid in her mug. “I didn’t mean for it to happen that way. It just...”

  “I know. How’s Andy taking it...Cooper leaving?”

  “He’s crushed. They were supposed to run some plays today after church. He’s grown to trust Cooper, but now...” Tears filled her eyes and threatened to spill like the fat raindrops that raced down the kitchen window. “Cooper’s just another adult who’s left him without so much as a goodbye. And it’s all my fault, Renee. I’ve made such a mess of things.”

  Renee picked up the mug full of steaming tea and pressed it into Lexi’s hands. “Drink. It’s going to be OK. You’ll see.”

  He asked me to forgive him and I refused to answer. Now, can he forgive me?

  Lexi wrapped her fingers around the smooth ceramic. The warmth did little to soothe her bruised heart. “I don’t think so. Not this time.” She sighed. “I’ve lost Cooper for good now. And after all this time, how can it still hurt so much?”

  “Because you love him, Lex.” Renee laid a hand on her shoulder, squeezed gently. “I don’t think you ever stopped loving him.”

  ****

  The tension in the room was palpable. Cooper rubbed his tired eyes as his knee throbbed beneath the
khaki pants that covered his healing scar. The pain made him remember the good time he’d had with Lexi yesterday, running the clinic, signing autographs, watching kids’ faces light up with the flash of a smile as he handed them one of the T-shirts he’d printed. And he remembered the way the night had ended...with harsh words and tears, and a turbulent flight through storm-filled skies.

  “Did you hear me, Cooper?” The coach, the guy he’d run plays for, given his heart and soul to, rapped his knuckles on the desk to get his attention.

  Yes, I heard.

  Cooper drew a long breath, gave his temper a moment to ease from the flash-point before he responded. When he did, the even tone of his voice masked anger boiling just beneath the surface. He clasped his hands in his lap to keep from wrapping them around someone’s throat. “What do you mean, you’re releasing me from my contract?”

  “What part don’t you understand?” Coach tucked his hands behind his head and leaned back in his chair so his ample gut rose up like a mountain. He spoke as if they were having a pleasant discussion about the weather instead of an ugly ambush concerning Cooper’s NFL future. His tone rang matter-of-fact, which merely steeped Cooper’s growing irritation.

  Cooper dug in his pocket for a stick of gum, unwrapped it and shoved it between his teeth. The cherry flavor filled his mouth and he worked the sticky mass into submission as his hands clenched into tight fists in his lap. “Explain it once more.”

  “It’s simple, Cooper. The Seahawks need a quarterback, and they’ve expressed interest in a trade.”

  “Good for them.” Suddenly restless as a caged lion, he leaned forward, propped his elbows on the desk. “But, what if I don’t want to go?”

  The panel of bigwigs—owner; coach; and Stan, his agent—exchanged worried glances, then turned to gape at him as if he’d lost his mind. Coach eased further back into his chair with a nonchalance that said he’d rather be napping. He scratched his chin, cleared his throat. His gaze fell away. “It’s a done deal. They’re expecting you to report tomorrow.”